Soul

Though tormented under cover of darkness, still precious.

Foxes and Herons

Sometime I'll tell you the story of the fox and the heron.  Here are some works in progress.

Go See the Unicorn

This collection of photographs by Jochen Lempert, also a biologist, turned out to be one of my favorite exhibits ever.  

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Also, a strange painting by Raphael has wandered from it's home in Rome to visit the U.S. and is currently staring at us from a frame hung on a wall in Cincinnati.  While standing before the "Portrait of a Lady with a Unicorn," I quickly typed notes into my phone: 

Slightly creepy dead looking folded legs.

Ok the unicorn freaked me out a bit but I think maybe it's actually supposed to be cute...?  Baby unicorn?  I hope you can go see for yourself before she and her little creature wander away back to Rome again... Mom bought me a card to remember them by.

Edit: It was October 31 today, and this happened...

That Moment

When the art is observing you.

Written Under Panic

(Written last night)
All today my heart was tossed by the sea.  Violently.  One fleeting moment pushed safely towards joy, and the next tugged swiftly back again to the depths of despair.  And then when hope of another breath is all but lost, I feel warmth on my cheeks and open my eyes to find the world clear and sunlit once more.  The storm has not relented all day and I only hope I can sleep.

Everything beautiful seems even more so a tragedy.  Death is everywhere.  I just cannot see the sweetness in it all, except for a few brief moments when the door closing me in with my fears and sorrows is cracked.  Light bursts passionately through even the smallest slit, and it is then that I can see how beautiful everything is around me.  I can see for a moment my wealth and that I lack nothing.  Peace fills my heart for a moment.  But a sharp wind slipping through another crack pulls shut the door, and I am in darkness again, impoverished and alone, wondering why I haven't stuffed rags in those cracks in the walls, or simply opened wide the door and left this place.

(Written this morning)
Something haunting about the bird calls outside.  Walls of my bedroom and my window shut tight cannot keep their songs out.  Spring-time lyrics pierce through my heart.  It hurts.

It's a little sad to consider the entire earth... And yes, the struggles of every creature here, but also the beautiful places to find and beautiful people to know better... And in one little house in a small bedroom I lay curled up even smaller on the carpet, trying not to panic and trying to want to live.  When all along life is the greatest gift.  Yet here I lie.

(Later)
These are personal struggles to share, but it occurred to met that when people feel most alone, there are countless others probably literally curled up in that very fashion, battling for the life of their soul and grasping with shaky hands for any sense of peace, wherever they can find it.

This morning, my mind and body aching after a restless night, I opened to James 1, merely recalling that I always find something in that book to lighten my heart, and happening upon a direct response to many of my thoughts...  (Note the part about the sea... Recently I was prompted to consider who exactly was king of my life.  After reading the following verses I realized Doubt's terrible reign over me in the past years... and I am more than eager to rebel against him, and follow the only Good and True King who gives true wealth and who deserves such devotion... The other king deserves nothing of my heart).

"Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance.  Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.  If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you.  But when you ask, you must believe and not doubt, because the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind.  That person should not expect to receive anything from the Lord.  Such a person is double-minded and unstable in all they do.

Believers in humble circumstances ought to take pride in their high position.  But the rich should take pride in their humiliation--since they will pass away like a wild flower.  For the sun rises with scorching heat and withers the plant; its blossom falls and its beauty is destroyed.  In the same way, the rich will fade away even while they go about their business.

Blessed is the one who perseveres under trial because, having stood the test, that person will receive the crown of life that the Lord has promised to those who love him."

(WIP)

Art Museum

Tori, my newest friend.

It was slightly as if she were looking at herself, or at least someone much like her.

Two beautiful ladies on a bench.  And also Picasso.

Christine.

Notes: Forgive me if the ornate frame details are overwhelming, I couldn't help but focus on the frames once I had taken notice of them.  Finally, upon the security guards encouraging us to go home so they could close the museum, there was a wonderfully-patterned grate sort-of-thing, as well as some pleasant foliage as we exited the building.  And so, the above.

A Tangent in October

There is always something beautiful to be found in the forest. 

There is always hope for us.

You and I always have something to give.

There is always someone who needs you... 

Someone who needs your touch on their arm, your compliment, your words of encouragement, your smile, your laughter.

There is always someone who needs you to notice them.  

There is always someone to notice.

However.

Friend, your worth is not found in what you do for others.

You are not loved because you gave your attention, your care, your time, your strength, your money, and your belongings to others.

I cannot explain why, but whether or not we do good, we are perfectly loved.

I cannot explain why, but I can tell you how I know this to be true.

Something we must know about our situation:

Sin is against God.  God, being holy, cannot tolerate sin.  All of us have sinned.  Don't you see that no one deserves to be with God?

By taking upon himself and enduring the rejection and suffering every sinner deserved; by his own pain and with his own blood, Jesus rescued us from our fate.

We are saved by his death.

By his death he proved his unconditional love for us.  By his resurrection he proved he was God, and he conquered death.  Death, the separation from our Creator, and thus from love; death, the destroyer of our souls... 

CONQUERED.

You and I cannot reject the one who loved us and the blood he shed to save us... and still be saved. You and I cannot reject our savior's outstretched hand, and be saved.  If you do not take the gift of life he earned for you (since we could not)...  

You will forever be lost.

But if you do take the life he offers, there is NOTHING that will separate you from his love.

So, we are NOT loved according to how much beauty we contribute to the world.

And yet...

We have the gift of being alive on this earth, with thoughts, feelings, imaginations... each with a unique face, a unique voice, a unique perspective.  Each with the ability to touch other souls.  We actually cannot help but affect other hearts and minds.  And some will try to use their power (for it is power) to help the people around them know their worth; know that they are worth dying for.

"We love because he first loved us." 1 John 4:19

Newport Shipyard

While slightly lost in the neighborhoods, I kept an eye out for houses and rooms for rent.  There was something haunting (in a lovely way) about this place, and realized what it reminded me of after I looked closer at my pictures.  The buildings loom up like old weathered ships, with strong masts tangled among ropes.  Surely each vessel has its own secrets of beauty and heartbreak, loss and discovery, greed and sacrifice, desertion and rescue, hate and love.  It seems possible that travelers could at any moment choose one and raise the anchor and sail away to adventure, adding to the unspoken tales.

 A ship cat keeps watch.

 Tiled floors scrubbed clean with sea water.

A house docked behind a twisty tree.

 Slightly oceanic looking plants, probably home to some city crabs.  Okay, bedtime for me.