Friday, May 2, 2014

Beauty Though it Rushes By



 I talk to myself.  Not usually out loud, but I let certain thoughts seep into me and affect me, and lately, in my lack of motivation and my struggle to focus I’ve only torn myself down.  My wretchedness is truth, but there are other, truer, more powerful things that I haven’t been hearing over the noise of my self-inflicted shame.  Suddenly, on paper, came simple and gentle words.  I was finally able to address some of the struggle that has prevented me from resting, and these are thoughts I feel able to share.


They have valued you, noticed you, smiled shyly back at you, waved to you, told you stories, confided in you, related to you, tried to understand you, leaned in closer to hear you, laughed at you, helped you carry things, walked with you, and waited for you.  Bless them, they have done a lot of waiting for you.  And you’ve only just started knowing them all better.  And loving them more than ever. 


You feel numb if not fearful when you think of the next stage of life, but you haven’t grown to love the things and the people in that place yet.  You haven’t had adventures with them and haven’t listened to them and haven’t taken walks with them yet.  This bubble, though imperfect, is all foresty and wild with lovely, crazy people who intrigue you and are likewise interested in you and even love you somehow, and they are just as caught up in the confusion of both embracing and letting go of those around them.  Compared to this place, the next destination (whatever it is) appears somewhat empty.  You can’t help but view it as all the things you love about this place taken away.  Some of it broken, most of it left behind, and all of it, I expect, changed. 

You don’t know how you’ve become so attached, and you simultaneously wish someone had warned you not to love so much and told you to love more.  You’ve both cared too much and taken everything for granted.  You’re not sure how to finish it out at this point.  I mean, yes you turn in your final papers and take your final exams and put on a gown and accept your diploma and breath a sigh of relief and hug people and pack your things into a car and leave.  And make sure you pay your library fine for the entire Chronicle of Narnia series that you kept out for ages.  The struggle is the dread of it all ending before you are ready and have figured out what is going on and what you are losing and gaining… 

But that’s okay.  I suspect the rest of life will be like this. 

You knew that you couldn't keep anything.  But you didn’t know you would desperately long to capture it all!  It is good that you loved it and acknowledged it was beautiful.  You will treasure and remember it imperfectly, but as best you can. 

Good things rush by before you can realize entirely how good they are.  But they only happened because other things were left behind or changed. 


Life not being perfect is painful and sometimes deeply sad.  At times, possibly often, things are so far from perfect that your heart feels sick.  The brokenness in your friends’ lives and in strangers’ lives along with the damage, confusion, and uncertainty in your own is enough to keep you from enjoying the adventure if you let it.  

Is there still reason to rejoice in the midst of the struggling?  Do beautiful things remain captivating?  Do adventures remain thrilling?  Do mysterious people remain intriguing? Does companionship remain uplifting and heartwarming? Does helping someone still heal you?  Do you still let yourself explore?  Do you let yourself daydream and imagine and ponder and hope for things even though you don’t know what’s going to happen? 


Good things are wonderful because they are unexpected.  Precious, because they were discovered in the midst of chaos.

It is good that things are precious to you, and its okay that you don’t know how to deal with the change and with the loss of them.  Keep letting things be precious.  Keep seeking and trusting in the hope to which these good things point. 

It is okay to be lost.  Only, be sure to keep exploring.  Look for home, because it is there and it is perfect and it is where we belong.  Tragically, many of us aren’t willing to search for it and we remain lost.  Encourage those around you to continue.  Walk with them.  There is beauty to be found if we continue to look.  And the truth, which we find hard to grasp, is that beauty is chasing after us.  We are all broken and have wandered, but we WILL find all that our hearts long for if we desire to find it.  If we turn our hearts toward it.  That which has given everything to find us will bring us home. 

“You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.” Jeremiah 29:13


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